30 Sivan 5983/ 19 Tammuz 5983
Day 170
Readings: Leviticus 13
Kingdom Daily Livng: 1 Kings 20-21, Acts 12:20-25, Psalm 137, Proverbs 17:16
Dear Yousef,
I had a bad dream this morning because I slept back at 6am when I was already awake by 4:30AM because Natanel chatted that one puppies of Sunshine died. When I went back to sleep I was awakened before 7AM with heavy breathing. In my dream, I saw someone kill another spiritually and a japanese woman's face bleeding like a scene from a horro film. I prayed but I went back to sleep again because my sleep cycle was not complete. I felt sleepy and disturbed so finally at 7:40AM I arose to pray. I am having a hard time getting back to my morning routine of devotions at 5AM I have to get back at it or else I will be losing in the spiritual battles. In this world, there seems to always be battles and I am longing for GOD to give me the rest that HE has promised me the rest I will have with you because even though we are facing wars for Israel, we will have rest in each other's arms, because we understand each other. I woke up feeling so sad that I dreamt of a demon because it meant I was being tempted to hate my family. So I prayed for GOD to bless my family even though I was so hurt by them. I felt no peace at all because I was so sad with how they are so proud and wilfull, not fearing GOD by continually disobeying him headed by my mother when she refuses to adjust the working time of the employees working at our house, when she continues to have her way and not submit to GOD and to her husband, and even her favorite son has gotten the spirit of pride and willfulness. Throughout the begining of this trip, I have been longing and imagining the day I am in Israel, Israel has been in my heart and mind. I will finally pursue my application with ICEJ even though there is little chance for them to accept me because I feel I am not capable. But this feeling that I have with my family has caused me to finally make a decision to leave them for good this year, but I don't want my feelings to be the basis for my decisions but somehow the negative feelings help me to obey GOD because it is hard to leave the comforts that I have. I was sad when I prayed and so I decided to read the 365 KDL devotions because I wanted to know what GOD felt, I wanted to be ONE with HIM always and not be led astray. So from there when I read about Jezebel in the book of Kings I understood that jezebels where the ones ruling this family, exactly what I have shared to you before and you understand that jezebels are also causing GOD pain and anger since what I am feeling is what I am reading now in the WORD. It is exactly the reading I have today which I did not even plan to read since I have been following the Bible study together application at church but the guided word from the Church did not speak to me so I returned to the first devotions I decided to follow this year. And behold, I am happy to be One with GOD but I don't have to hate them because now I understand that judgments are waiting for them. May the LORD deliver me from being judged with them because I sought to follow GOD whole heartedly but they chose to make themselves their gods. I pray for my 2 youngest siblings to not be defiled, to live and walk in righteousness. I will write to you again okay, I have to go...
17:10 Japan Time
Came home after a tour in the Sapporo Tower when we were at the hightest floor I began to just sit and stare at the view and as Dad sat with me I could not help but cry and as he comforted me asking what was wrong, I couldn't say anything but "Just know Dad that when I'm no longer with you, that I love you and always will" There were no words to describe what I felt but my moment of tears, the way I cried so to him gave me such a release and so I again pooed for the second time at the restroom below the tower and then as we left the high tower, I was feeling better than I had ever been since they all fought against me because of that emotional release that I felt with Dad and his arms around me. I will not forget that moment and also I began speaking to mom better. Letting her know that one day I will get married and will no longer be with them and so we just have to cherish these moments together. I am feeling better with my family because I was then able to release to Dad all the sadness in my heart. But I am still determined to apply for ICEJ because this is already the only option for me now to be able to go to Israel as GOD had commanded me in 1 Samuel 16:1. May the LORD fill my horn with the Oil of HIS Spirit as I embark on my journey to meet you. I am confident GOD will open doors for me because HE gave me the emotional push to head out of my comfort zone which is my family. I will apply when I return to Cebu because ICEJ need other documents than my resume, they need Pastors recommendation too. So far 2nd day of trip has turned out well for me because GOD is gracious and faithful. May HE grant me healing in the family through this trip before I say goodbye to them this year... May the LORD grant me peace and wellbeing, health to my bones and strength to my body. I hope you are well too and I pray for you to be prepared to receive me into your life, I pray that you will not be afraid to love but trust GOD as I am trusting GOD with HIS ways that are higher than mine. Sometimes, I cry and feel so bad that GOD had not yet married me off to you. HE must hate me for witholding something beautiful from me, this is what I feel mostly that is why sometimes I do feel pressed and depressed because GOD had not yet fulfilled HIS promise to me and it's still taking time, but may the LORD enable us to trust HIM!
23:22 I have just settled down on my laptop after I put myself foot spa and salompas on my back and after also putting the foot spa on my parents feet. Japan has all sorts of things that bring comfort to it's people. After dinner, I was able to shop a pair of pink rubber shoes and 1 japanese kimono as remembrance from japan, I always love the native customes of certain places. I also drank myself some charcoal coffee and now writting to you I feel satisfied and happier because I am now feeling better with my family. When I first traveled with them I felt that my heart was sore and it was in pain being with my family but after I cried to my father when he sat beside me, I felt released and relief that I pooed the second time around, thanks to the herbal constipation medicine that my sister bought for me. I also enjoyed the dinner we had tonight at my favorite japenese food place called Yoshinoya. How differently I feel now with my family than the first day that I began travelling with them. I was not supposed to come to this trip because I never wanted to be with them in the first place because of the hurt they caused me and during those times when all they felt was okay while I was hurting from what they did to me, I had so much feelings of revenge and hate. But tonight, all I feel is love for my parents as human beings, and that's all I need to feel for my family because whatever wrong they did will be dealt with by GOD in time and it's not in my position to know when or how because my position is to keep my focus on KING JESUS. I am so glad that GOD did speak to me about my feelings for them in the Daily Kingdom devotional this morning, it was paralle to GODs, at the same time, HE also loved them. That is why it is my debt to love them no matter what and love is all I want to feel for them inspite of the many things that have happened. LOVE!!! So with that I want to call it a night and tell you layla tov, I can't wait for the day you will be talking to me about your problems and not just me talking to you all about me. Goodnight My Yousef, I will see you soon.
Yours truly,
Marie Christine (Maryiam Yiska Dborah Shekina)