Chapter 3 The Wandering Missionary Written on: TUESDAY, MAY 30, 2017
Written in: Brussels, Belgium
Date of Story: March 2010 “What am I doing here? What am I doing here? I’m not supposed to be here….” These are the words that echoed through my mind as the days passed by that I was in Cebu after being in London. People had a hard time adjusting to me because they saw that I had changed a lot. I was no longer the tough and strong woman that I was, I was not eating pork, I lost a lot of weight because of fasting, and even my way of clothing was very feminine. People couldn’t understand me. I was listening to Arabic songs because I love the Middle Eastern music. But I didn’t understand what I was doing in Cebu. I didn’t want to go back to my old job so I applied to work as an English Teacher for Koreans and Japanese. I was not who I was. But even though I was in my own home, I felt so lost, suddenly the familiar became the unfamiliar, it was like I was in the wilderness no direction, no nothing thus the reason why I am “ Wandering”. GOD had appeared to me in London, and now that I was where HE wanted me to be, I just didn’t know where to go. It is so difficult for Servants of GOD to be so high in the Mountain of the LORD and then come down back to earth (Like Moses when he came back from the Mountain of Sinai and he finds the people worshipping the golden calf - Exodus 19 I just wanted to hide in my room the whole time! The Second Death I had told my Mother about what GOD told me who I was going to marry. To my surprise, she didn’t agree with me. She fought hard against it because she said Mothers knows best. (Note to my Mom: Mami, please don’t be angry that I share this story, GOD wants me to share it for His glory, know that today I love so much and I understand how much you really love me, GOD has promised that HE will use our story to set other people free, so do not worry about it okay?) She was being the good Mother that she is, she only wanted the very best for me. I never understood her intentions during those times. We fought so much because she didn’t like the guy. And even the community that I was in during that time was against it. I couldn’t understand why they didn’t like me with the guy, the guy was a Christian and a servant of GOD. Why is everybody against it??? By this time, people already knew that GOD had told me that I was going to marry this certain guy. And people had laughed at me for believing such a thing, that it was crazy and that I was just making up stories. I even hear people say that I was a false prophet - now that really hurt me because I was only telling the truth about what I heard from GOD. They didn’t believe that GOD still speaks to people. I was also as shocked as they were, how can they not believe this GOD who speaks to people? Are we not reading the same Bible? But anyway, the devil uses people to hurt us, to refine us, to train us so that we become what GOD has called us to be. So, we should never take against people what GOD allowed the enemy to do through them… (Note: If you are one of them that hurt me, please forgive me for sharing this story but it is for His glory that this story should be told and please don’t take it against yourselves what had happened because GOD has a wonderful ending to this story I promise, HE won’t let us down Okay? and I love you guys, really I do) During that time, I felt so ashamed, so hurt, so rejected, so betrayed by the people close to me, the people I worship with, the people in my own house. I cried every day kneeling to the LORD “Why did you send me back to hurt me?” I asked GOD “Why why why?” Everyday, NO answer. Alone in my room, the devil had taunted me saying “See, you are in the wrong religion. The Muslims have the right religion. Why don’t you just forget about this JESUS and worship Allah. Deny this JESUS, He lied to you!” Wow! The voices were so strong and I was so vulnerable during those painful moments of my life. My response was “What? Deny my JESUS? How can I deny my meeting with the LORD in London? How can I say HE doesn’t exist when HE appeared to me and talked to me? No, I cannot deny HIM. HE is the true GOD, even if I am hurting now.” The demons continued to taunt me day and night, “Just commit suicide, nobody believes in you, you are such a disgrace!” But GOD would remind me of Joseph, how Joseph was despised by his own brothers because he was the favorite of his father, the envy of his brothers caused him his very life. Read about Joseph Genesis 37,39- 47 I never realized it during that time, but it was an important process in my life to die again to myself and what was important to me. I valued my reputation, I was a worship leader, people looked up to me, I had honor. Ecclesiastes 7:1 A good reputation is better than expensive perfume; and the day you die is better than the day you were born. And the devil stole that “Good name” from me. It was the hardest time for me because I couldn’t bear to face people. Finally GOD answers my question of “Why?” His reply was strict and without emotion in Ecclesiastes 7:13 ”Think about what GOD has done. How can anyone straighten out what GOD has made crooked? 14 When things are going well for you, be glad, and when trouble comes, just remember: GOD sends both happiness and trouble; you never know what is going to happen next.” I was in the midst of despair and GOD seemed distant as if HE didn’t care about my pain, I didn’t know HIM to be that way before, but at least HE answered me. I was joyful even in pain and rejoiced “Yes! My GOD is the true GOD, HE is alive and still speaking back to me.” So I lived each day one day at a time, like a walking zombie ok let’s call me the Sleeping Beauty, because every time she dies to herself, she sleeps spiritually and everyday was very hard. One of my closest friends in my Highschool, Cherrylyn Cano Lumasag who is also a prophet and a Pastora (woman Pastor) of another church spoke to me regarding the hardship I was going through, she said “You are in the dying process, it’s okay, just let yourself die.” I understood but I was still in a lot of pain. I had asked GOD if I should just get out of my country again, to escape the pain but His Voice was strong telling me “Stand your ground.” Okay! I’m not supposed to move an inch from where I was. So I stayed, in my home, in the same community. Not an inch! My Mission When I got home, I knew one of the most important things I needed to do was to love my Country and so I campaigned for a certain man – Bro. Eddie Villanueva, a Pastor and leader running for President, that the Prophet Cindy Jacobs said GOD will use to bring the Philippines to the Fulfillment of Prophecies. I believed GOD when HE said “If only a righteous leader will lead the Nation, my glory will shine through her (the Philippines).” I worked hard to campaign, going to the churches to encourage them to vote for this man of GOD. The Christians were hesitant but in the end they did vote for him. But to my dismay, he did not win. Ok, by this time I was already thinking, so “maybe I was a false prophet after all.” But Prophets are not perfect, GOD may reveal to Prophets some parts but GOD leaves some things unknown, GOD does not reveal to them all. “Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture!”- 1 Corinthians 13:9 . My experience taught me a very important lesson regarding moving in the Prophetic Giftings, Prophetic 101: When GOD reveals something to you, NEVER ever tell people about it, not even your mother, unless the LORD says so! But you see, that was my very first time to receive such things from GOD. I couldn’t explain everything in one sentence. And the things I received were so overwhelming! I had to tell someone, I had to! Or else I would go nuts! But there are certain people that GOD assigns to our lives so we could share our experiences and revelations. Prophetic Lesson 102: You have to know from the LORD who these people are assigned to you to pray and believe with you, because it is very critical that you surround yourself with people who love you so much that there is not a trace of envy in their hearts towards you. And you do not know who these people are, because we cannot see the human heart, only GOD can, so ask it from the LORD! Prophetic Lesson 103: When in Ministry, you should be under a Covering of a Minister who is ahead of you, a Minister GOD has chosen for you to be under. During those painful times, GOD shows me faces of people, 2 of my grandmothers (mothers of my Dad and Mom), people who have backslidden from the path of the LORD, and some people from my past. There were also new people GOD brings to my path during this season, another Grandmother that I adopted - Mimi Hellinger, a Holocaust Survivor from the US. Every day I would just grab the opportunity to be with the people that GOD shows me, be with them as JESUS was among humans on earth. During Ramadan, I remembered to pray for my Muslim friends in London and every other Muslim on earth, because I understood that I have been assigned to pray for these special people of GOD. I had followed a prayer book to pray for specific Muslims for 40 days. To my surprise in one of the days we pray for the Muslim, we also pray for the Christians near the Muslims that the Spirit of GOD will come upon the Christians so they will be used by GOD to minister to the Muslims. And my eyes grew wide as I read that “No wonder why I was so spiritually hyped when I was with the Muslims during Ramadan! Gazellions of Christians all over the world use this prayer book to pray for the Muslims! Aha! Now is my time to pray for the Christians near the Muslims!!!” hahahhaa! 40 Days of Prayer for the Muslims Come October 2010, I met Alexis Gaisano, one of my good friends now that GOD has called me to minister. She was also a daughter of a Chinese Family Businessman. She was young in the LORD but she was also going thru some hardship in life. I found myself encouraging her in the LORD. My Spirit revives because when I started to help other people - I started to heal. I did not look at my problem of a broken reputation anymore. I focused on solving other people’s problems. Most of my friends were getting married during this time and I was happy for them, although I was asking GOD, when I’m supposed to be getting married because of my age, I wasn’t as bothered about it because GOD had already said I was going to marry this certain guy. But this guy made me so angry, I was angry at him because he said that he had girlfriend and that GOD didn’t tell him anything. So of course I was the crazy one no??? But when I remember that pain in my life, GOD would tell to me to just pray for him. And every time I remembered this guy my heart and mind struggled with all my might, “How can you still allow me to marry him? After all the pain I went through for him, you still want to marry him?” I told GOD. But even though I wrestled with all my might, in the end, my spirit would give in to the LORD and said “But no matter what, let your will be done Lord, I am Your servant, have your way in me.” And I would pray for him, but I was still so angry I could not even say his name. So I said to the LORD, “Ok I will pray for him but I will translate his name into Hebrew because I cannot even have the strength to mention his name aloud in my prayers. For privacy purposes, I am not going to reveal his name in English, but the meaning of his name is Noble. And his name suited him because he was a noble, servant of GOD. (Readers please don’t dig into this and figure out who the guy is, please don’t disturb him, the guy has already been through so much, just let him be okay?) So I translated it to Hebrew and there were 2 translations, I picked the less weird sounding name which was Navon. I told myself, this is a weird name and I never heard anyone with this name but anyway, I will use this name to pray for this guy GOD said I will marry. Every day, I would pray for Navon my secret code name for the guy GOD said I would marry, even though I was angry at him, I just obeyed and prayed.
The months passed by, I continued in my prayers for Navon. Until July 2011, A prophet from our community who has prophesied to me when I was a young lady at age 15 came to me one Sunday morning, just suddenly she tells me “Whatever GOD told you, please ask GOD again. There is no peace in my heart about whatever HE told you, please ask GOD again.” So disturbed in my spirit, I asked GOD about this man I was gonna marry in his English name this time. And GOD responds through His word in 1 Samuel 16:1 The Lord said to Samuel “How long will you go on grieving over Saul? I have rejected him as king of Israel. But now get some olive oil and go to Bethlehem, to a man named Jesse, because I have chosen one of his sons to be King.” So I understood that GOD has not chosen him for me anymore. I said okay GOD, it’s okay. I believe you have chosen someone better for me. But then come August 18, 2011 my Mother’s birthday, My mom and I fight again because she wants me to stop believing that I was going to marry the guy GOD said I would marry. I told her, don’t worry Mom he is not the one anymore GOD told me through the Prophet Chinten Co (I would like to honor this prophet today, Thank you for speaking GOD’s word to me, I have never forgotten and still wait for its fulfillment in GOD’s perfect time.) But then my Mom’s response really angered me because she said “Seeeee, Motheeeeer’s knows best!” Imagine the mother of Rapunzel singing that song from the movie Tangled, hahahahaa! But I was so furious, I went to my room shut it and told the LORD, “No! Don’t tell me he is not the one because my mother said she knows what’s best, how can you be glorified if she knows everything? The glory will not go to You my LORD, let me marry this man, just let me marry this man!” Haahahhahaha! I am laughing at myself when I remember this, really I am, because GOD causes me to remember this memory and I bet the LORD was laughing at me during that time! Anyway, come October 2011, I meet a wonderful woman of GOD, a missionary, a prophet, a General in His Kingdo. Her name is Enriqueta Locsin, she is unmarried, 88 years old during that time and she prophesied wonderful great things of how GOD is going to use me. But one of her prophesies had amused me saying I was going to marry A Jew. I said “A what?” In my head I was laughing at her saying “You crazy woman! GOD already told me who he is, and he is not a Jew, he is a local.” Prophetic Lesson 104: NEVER Laugh at Prophecies spoken by GOD through HIS Prophets. Learn from Sarah, the wife of Abraham in the Book of Genesis 15-16 But even though the things she said made me laugh, I loved her because she is so close to the LORD. I could feel the joy of GOD every time we were together. When she was in Cebu, she lived in my house. I felt very much connected to her because she also had a special calling to the Muslims. She had been to Sulu (the most dangerous place in the Philippines were the Muslim Moros lived) because she was ministering to a Muslim chief there who saw JESUS because JESUS also appeared to him. She had been trying to go back to Sulu because GOD told her to go to them. She has lived in the US for 8 years already and she returns to the Philippines to be in Sulu! Isn’t that crazy?! But I just love her so much because she is so radical in her faith. She is in Silay Bacolod today, and I long for the day I will come to visit her once again. She’s still waiting to go to Sulu for GOD’s sake! I mean, literally it is for GOD’s sake. November 11, 2011, (11/11/11 see how GOD speaks through its adequate time) Achi Grace, the wife of our Pastor, and also a Prophet, suddenly calls me on my mobile. I was driving, I cannot forget, she told me “Shobe (younger sister in Chinese), you know, Pastor and I do not have peace regarding your revelation about the man GOD told you to marry, we don’t have peace that you would marry him at all. Please ask the LORD again. And I told her “Okay Achi.” Obeying what she said, I did not go to sleep that night until I heard from GOD. I told my Abba, “Father, please speak to me about this, was it really you that told me to marry this man? Or was it a demonic voice? Did you really tell that or am I crazy?” I open my Bible and my reading plan was in Genesis 22. Read it, it is about GOD telling Abraham to kill his only son Isaac. If you read the entire story, you will understand that yes, GOD tells us crazy things sometimes, to test us, if we will obey GOD or we will turn away from HIM. And I understood that all along, GOD has been testing me and to my happiness, I also understood that I passed the test because I felt so much Joy! Thank You LORD! December 2011, my friend Michelle Suarez tells me “Christine, there is a Pastor whose name is __(same English translation for Natan). He is looking for a wife, I think this guy is the one GOD is telling you about, not the one you know.” And I was wide eyed when she told me, just scared. Okay, I told her I will ask GOD about this before I meet him. She was going to set us up on a blind date. I asked GOD “Oh LORD, I’m about to be set up in a blind date to a certain guy who is looking for a wife. Can you at least give me a clue about the man you want me to marry? Is he a local, foreign? Is he a minister? A businessman? Just give me a clue because I do not want to raise the hopes of this certain man and not just an ordinary man, a servant of Yours, and then disappoint him. Then I opened my Bible and GOD gave me the word in Psalm 87 (again I am just following my Bible reading plan and the words jump me, they call this the Rhema word of GOD) I read the whole Chapter of Psalm 87 and these are the verses that jump out of the Powerful Book: “4 This one was born in Zion…” and the sentence keeps repeating throughout the verse. So I was shocked and amused, I thought “ahhhhh so Enriqueta was right, she wasn’t crazy after all, I’m gonna marry a Jew! Okay!” So I set that in my heart. Wow! I can’t believe it! A Jew? I mean, when I have started reading the Bible, I have been drawn to the Great men and women of the Bible, I was so amused with the Bible I began to wish “I wish I could marry a Joseph or a Moses” sighing with my dreamy eyes… hahahaa like any silly girl yes?! And to marry a Jew is truly GOD hearing my silliest sigh… (let me be a girl because I am one!) On the same month, another friend of mine, Desire, got a word from the Lord for me saying that “Her king is coming, her king is coming…” king meant husband for me because yes! I was a Princess dba (right)? So when a princess gets married, she marries a prince and so she becomes a Queen and he becomes a King, simple. Maybe it’s because I watch too much Disney movies that I think this way? But the Disney movies (they said are evil and luring you to witchcraft) have actually helped me understand the Principles of GOD’s Kingdom a whole lot easier. So it’s all good. Whatever intentions evil has on these movies, GOD had used it for my good =) What an amazing GOD eh!? So with that new revelation, I had told myself. Ok I’m gonna marry a Jew! So let’s find me one! It’s time for another Prophetic Lesson 105: NEVER Move Ahead of GOD. Learn from Sarah again the wife of Abraham in the book of Genesis 15-16 When the LORD tells you something (amazing), you need to learn how to wait. Patience is truly a virtue and now learn why it is from me! I was so excited about what GOD told me, I went online to search for Jewish guys. I was confident with my reasoning “how can I find a jew who was in the Philippines? He has to be in Israel, no?” So there, I met someone who did not believe in JESUS. So I figured, if we have some sort of connection, I can tell him about my JESUS and we would live happily ever after. Ministry Rules 101: NEVER Date to Evangelize. This is an age old rule and basic Principle of Sharing the Gospel. But as I reflected on the love story of my parents it made me compromise and their story goes like this. My Dad was not a believer, my Mom was, it was love at first sight, he followed her around but she was going to Bible Studies and doing Kingdom stuff. Ultimately my Dad was won over the love of JESUS and after one year of courtship, she says yes to him and after 4 years, they get married. So I thought, hey! maybe their love story similar to mine, maybe I can copy and paste. NO! Never assume that just because it works for others will also work for you. Because we cannot make a general rule for every story, there are always exceptions to rules and it is GOD who makes the exemption because HE is GOD, HE can do whatever and whenever HE likes. But in my heart, I already knew what kind of love story I wanted. Perhaps the LORD had already written the love story in my heart. So I gave hints to this man I was dating online, that I wanted a love story that goes like this: When he sees her, it was love at first sight and then because he knows she is the one for him, he asks her to marry him and in 3 months time, they get married. Crazy right? But you know, crazy can only mean Miraculous, and when it is Miraculous it is something to do with GOD. If it’s not miraculous then it’s not really GOD, it’s just ordinary. So to me Miraculous = Crazy. If it ain’t crazy, it ain’t GOD! Hahahaha! Ok so anyway, this guy, did not get my hint. GOD brought me to Israel supernaturally with my parents on October 2012, I met him personally. He came to the Philippines on December 2013. I had already warned him that I never had a relationship that lasted more than 2 years. Maybe because I got bored so easily, I don’t know. Yet, it took almost 2 years for him to decide that he wanted to take me to Israel to be with him. I had so many doubts regarding this Jewish man I was dating. One day he tells me online that he could never love GOD the way I did. That was painful for me, because I had been hoping that he would be like me - someone who loves GOD. For the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” I remember when he was in Cebu and he came to church with me and this exact verse was spoken in the pulpit. When we were alone, I told him, “I feel convicted with what was being preached not to yoke with unbelievers.” He defends himself and says, “But I am not an unbeliever, I believe in Yeshua.” So I believed him. But then here he was the next year telling me the opposite thing! But I was glad that he was honest to me. I just didn’t know what to do next. I knew the relationship was not going to work, but I was too much of a coward to break it to him. Because guess what?! I have not died to myself in that area yet! I did not want to hurt people. That’s just my natural me, but then again, GOD could not use me if all I cared about was NOT Hurting people, because some things just got to hurt and a lot of ministering in the Kingdom has to do with correcting people and correcting means hurting them with the truth. I have to speak the truth in love or else I will not be useful and I cannot be fruitful for the LORD. So there you go, Ministry Rule 102: Speak the Truth in Love. It’s not what you say but how you say it. This is very basic right? But I don’t know it because I am such a people pleaser, well not anymore today! Or else I will not be telling the truth about my life even if my testimony will cause pain to some people. The Rescue of the Damsel in Distress The Great KING had rescued the Damsel Princess from her own distress of being in the wrong relationship once again (coz this is the 5th relationship of her life already), but how HE got her out of it was also the most tragic and crucial thing that ever happened to her. But this tragic experience was yet another training in the Spiritual Warfare that she had to go through before she could finally be ready. Around August 2014, a man of stature and charm came to the life of the Wandering Missionary, saying that he was a Christian Jew that believed in Jesus. This man was so charming and handsome, everyone liked him, even her Family. He made her believe that he was the man GOD had chosen for her and so the Wandering Missionary thought she had finally ‘Come Home’, no longer aimless and wandering… but she believed wrong, she was convincingly and sincerely wrong…. Picture below: Me with my adopted Grandmommies Mina Hellinger and Enriqueta Locsin
