7th Watch 20 Sivan 5983
9 June 2023
Day 160 Readings: Leviticus 20:1-27, Deuteronomy 19:14-21, Hebrews 10:19-39
Dearest Yousef, my brother my beloved
My heart is grieving today because yesterday I found out that someone that we know had passed away, I remember we prayed for this person's healing on Sunday while he was in the hospital in a coma. The reason for his death was aneurism but someone within their family shared that the deeper reason behind his sickness is becasue of dispute regarding family inheritance. I felt so sad when I hear this, because I can see my siblings in this kind of situation where relationships will be destroyed because of family inheritance. That is why even before, I already told my parents I won't be receiving anything of family inheritance because I am a Levite and Levites are required to live by faith and not by what they inherit. This morning as I reminded my parents about my desire not to receive anything from them and one of the reasons behind it is that I do not want to be in a similar situation with the person who just died. Also, I reminded them of GOD's plans for me to live abraod and serve HIM. They understood my reasons and respected it but I saw the sadness in my father's eyes, I wish I could comfort him I wish I could let him know everything I felt. So many times, I was hurt for him, because of my mother's narcissistic behavior. But I cannot stay in Cebu for him, GOD has different plans for me than my siblings. I already know that I will be marrying a man whose faith is higher than mine, an amazing man like you who is dependent on GOD that is why I am confident of GOD's provision for us when GOD brings us togther, wherever we live, we will surely thrive because the ONE who calls us is faithful even when we fail HIM, HE never fails to be who HE is. HE will be more than our provider, HE will always be everything we need and more. Yet today my heart grieves for the wife of the dead man. I grieve with her even as I drove to the Bank from the House because I remembered her with her husband, she was a happy wife and she was always pregnant when I saw her. How her happiness has left her when her husband no longer lives, I cannot imagine her pain. I wanted to keep crying until I reached the office but because of work I had to focus on finishing what needed to be done. I was planning not to eat because of my sad heart, I did not feel like eating even last night that I didn't have dinner because I was grieving since last night. But today when I reached the office after completing my bank assignments, I felt hungry and so I ate with Mama Elsie and told her what was in my heart. It was a very sunny day in Cebu today but my atmosphere was gloomy and so I cried. But during our lunch together and after we had communion together, we remembered GOD's promises for me, how GOD confirmed everything to her through many dreams.
The first Dream was May 2021, during that time I still didn't know you were supposed to be my husband, I was still seeking GOD about the man from Zion and HE was telling me "he doesn't have to be a jew just because this man was born in Zion" I thought GOD was talking about the Chinese man that moved my spirit in the Local church in Cebu, when he gave us (Ma Ester and I) a chair to be able to sit on. Through this chinese guy, GOD was telling me "he can be chinese and born in Zion, Jerusalem" and I said "Oh" but I was bewildered at that time because I was really seeking the matter from GOD, but finally I understood and said "Ok, he doesn't have to be jew". During that same time, Ma Elsie dreamt that a Prince on a White Horse arrived Cebu and he was going to be my husband but a Pastor and his wife was trying to stop him from getting to me. I remember she dreamt this May 7 2021 And she was angry and prayed that this evil Pastor will be removed and we know exactly who this person is but today I pray they have repented truly in their hearts. We also know that no witch or warlock or evil can ever stop GOD's will from happening so I am not worried about whoever is trying to stop GOD's plan for me, not my parents prayers or my siblings curses against me will prevail. Even after they told me they don't believe I will be receiving a husband from GOD because they said I am proud, I don't believe them, I was hurt that they no longer believe with me anymore, but to me, it doesn't matter, the more people who don't believe in GOD's promise for me, the more GOD will fulfill it, just like GOD fulfilled Joseph's dreams when everyone in his family was exactly against it because they were envious of him. I can always relate to Joseph ever since I read about him because I felt his pain so many times in my life, when my own family betrays me, it's the most painful, but then again, GOD is also reminding me that I have the same pain with JESUS when HIS own blood and people rejected HIM and cruxified HIM. That is why I have already loved you the moment I heard about you because I know what it's like to be disowned, I was already disowned the moment I started following the KING with all my heart. I loved Joseph in the Bible that one day when while reading his story I asked GOD to give me a literal "Joseph" one who loved people and not just his own blood, somewhat political in nature but someone who feared GOD more than he feared any man. I asked GOD for Joseph and when GOD showed you to me, I loved you naturally because you are Joseph in the modern day. I was even more thrilled when GOD said you are my husband and HE confirmed it through your testimony in church.
She dreamt that I was wearing a beautiful dress and a hat that I looked like a Princess and carried a luggage with me and said goodbye to her because I was already leaving Cebu. In her dream she said "Finally you are leaving Cebu and your dreams are coming ture" and that I was so happy. Today, as we recalled her dreams, I was seeking GOD why I was wearing a hat. What did a hat symbolize? and right away, the word "covering" came to me, a head covering is a symbol of authority, a hat meant I am finally married because I had a hat while the other dreams she had of me was not wearing any special hats.
I was playing with a beautiful little girl and that I was so happy with her. She didn't know if it was my child or not but that she saw me so clearly doting on the lovely girl. If GOD would give us a child or children I would be so thankful... but I am no longer askng for any because it might be hard to have children in our situation especially when we are nearing the end of days.
And as we read Hebrews 10, we felt so encouraged by GOD in HIS word about HIS promises for me:
GOD wants me to be patient and to be joyful in waiting and I am praying that HE makes me joyful as I wait because sometimes I am sad while waiting because it is taking too long. I do not want to be impatient but to be joyful, so may the LORD help me.
Yet today, may HE allow me to be sad, to be grieving for the bereaved, because I am burdened with sorrow and my heart is always broken by this evil world. I was so broken hearted driving from the house to the bank, I am broken hearted looking at my father how he has suffered with life and by the traumas of the one he loves. My mom has always been the source of my pain but she has been better now my sister in law is taking her role. My heart breaks for my father because he is innocent and doesn't know what has manipulated him and also he suffers from pain in his nerves and it always concerns me. He has suffered from siatica that he always blames the active days of his youth because he said he probably abused his body by playing too much sport, but I don't believe this to be so. So when Couch Mousa asked me for feeback from the webinar: How Emotions Generate Physical Symptoms & Contribute To Disease. I was able to share my concerns with the Coach about my father in relation to the webinar through email and his response with Dr Joelle totally surprised me below:
I was surprised because the first line about invasion by my family is what I felt. I feel very much disrespected by my own family and, humiliated, belittled and disconnected with them because they did not show any love to me. This is me. I felt that this paragraph is more me than my father but somehow he is suffering the physical pain that I am supposed to be suffering. I feel bad for him because the other lines regarding his emotions are true. He is blamed by my mother a lot because she is good at that and it is true that he is always being manipulated and this time, he was manipulated by my brother and wife to hurting me just because they did not feel comfortable by what I was doing for GOD's Kingdom.
May the LORD deal with them and judge between them and me because GOD knows I have not done anything to wrong them but they have surely wronged me by their manipulation and control of my family to fight against me. After all the workings of evil, I have strength in my heart to fight so I cry out to GOD who knows everything that is going on. I am tired and weary from crying but there are still more tears in my heart that I feel that needs to be let out, I just need the right environment to be able to bring all my pain to JESUS. I want to cry to HIM so much so that HE will cry with me and bring Lazarus out to life. I want HIM to perform HIS miracle to me by fulfilling HIS promise to me when he brings you to me so you can take me to where you are so I can fight your battles with you. I cannot fight for my father anymore, he had already chosen his side and I still chose to stand with GOD. And you are just like the Bridegroom KING JESUS to me, to deliver me from the battles I have been facing with my family since I was a young child. I want GOD to bring me to another battlefield where it really matters more, people's lives are at stake because of the age old ancestral and bloodline grudges that the arab race has harbored as a result of a disfunctional family that started from our father Abraham down to the children of Ishmael and Israel. It has been a long family fued in the middle east that people die (because of land disputes) not from their own bitterness but die fighting to defend their rights, in the name of their belief in rage. The father who died early at 49, died because of his own bitterness and dissappointment from his own family. But arabs die because they want to kill their neighbors and Israel the neighbor, as a result of self defense kill them. It is still heartbreaking battle, yet today I am deeply broken by the father who died early, what about his wife and 4 young children that he left behind without a leader? A happy wife who is now a grieving widow without love is the most tragic thing for me! His death is tragic to me leaving me broken because the cause is the same, envy, bitterness of the Arabs, the same root cause that killed Abel. Should we blame GOD for displaying favor towards Abel's offering and rejected Cain's? No! HE is GOD and HE has the right to do what HE wants. Can we put all the blame on Cain for feeling angry and sullen? I also would not blame everything to Cain becasue he is weak, as any human being, failing GOD for his sin of envy leading him to kill his brother. I can only blame it all on the devil who was the first creature to rebel against GOD. All in all, I do not want to feel anymore grief if GOD wants me to patiently wait in joyful expeactations for the promise HE has for me and that is you my Yousef, my diamond in the rough, my Lazarus come to life, a promise that has died that HE has raised back to life to bring me joy in the last days of the earth, your life is a miracle to me, your faith is my greatest reward that a man such as you exists, someone who loves the GOD that I love, whom I can love and be loved too.
But I felt so free telling my parents my intention not to receive anything from them. That even before GOD fulfills his promise for me, I already held a meeting with my lawyer to prepare a document for me that as soon as I am about to leave with you, our lawyer will execute this document for me so that I am no longer bound to my family and our business in any sort of way possible. You see while I am here in Cebu, my mission is to serve my family, now that I have finished my last assignment, I can already leave with you. I am really hoping I could bring 4 dogs with us but that will all depend on you.... I will submit to you and whatever you decide because you are my head. All I ask is that I will never be apart from you ever since we will be one, for the rest of our lives together. It is my request from GOD that not even death should separate us, that if HE decides to take you home, HE should take me home too. Whom have I in heaven but JESUS who else do I have on earth? Here in this mortal world, all I desire is true love and I have found it with JESUS and I have found true love in a human when I love you. I know you are not perfect, but I am willing to go through any pain loving you, GOD's love will carry us through. If you have read all my letters and do not have any love in your heart for me, I would be grateful to receive a rejection letter from you. I will always wait for you because GOD promised me a husband that is Joseph. There are many men with the names of Joseph, but only one could carry the same spirit of Joseph the Prince of Egypt, you carry both the spirit of Moses and Joseph, because you are a Prince of Palestine but you chose to defend and be the Prince of EL in HIS chosen Israel. That is why you are special and I will always believe in you because you chose to follow the TRUTH and until today you are defeding the TRUTH and even if you chose a different path in the future, being your wife, I will cry out to GOD for you until you return to the path of righteousness. This is my commitment to you as a future wife, I do not believe in divorce because in GOD's Kingdom, we can only love one, divorce is not GOD's original plan. I want to follow everything that GOD meant from the begining because it is in following HIS path that we are able to live forever. I can keep on writing to you because I enjoy sharing my heart to you for I believe you are my soul mate, you are the only one who understands the depth of me and I am the only one who understands the totality of you. I call you my soul mate, but in the spirit I believe it is called Kingdom partners, the One my Soul loves. Just as Isaac and Rebekah was, Joseph and Asenath, Joseph and Mary, now its you and me and we are the end time Joseph and Mary... I can only compare you to Solomon because of his wisdom but I know you are more reserved than Solomon was, for you are a man who can only love one woman that is why you are Joseph, I pray for you to love me because I need to be loved too, and I can only love a Joseph because Mary was created for only one Joseph to serve JESUS. Take care always my brother, my beloved.
your sister in KING YESHUA,
Marie Christine