8th - 1st Watch 19 Sivan 5983
8 June 2023
Reading: Leviticus 1:1-17, Hebrews 10:1-18, Psalm 40:1-17
Dearest Yousef,
At the breakfast table with my parents: I enjoyed my talk with my Dad especially when he talks about Israel and he tells me many things regarding Mossad, the Israeli Intelligence. But it was a little rough working with my mother in the morning, she was probably a little left out because she only contributed so little to the conversation, but she always feels that way when she is not the one doing the talking, she has very narcissistic behavior and I have learned to adjust to her but I cannot tolerate her jezebelic spirit. Now there's two spirits like that in my family and one is my sister in law who tried to tell me to stop what I am doing for the KING. She adviced me not to be like her. At first I assured her that there's nothing to be worried about because her trauma in the past with her bad spiritual experience is nothing like what I am going through right now. She was under pastors who led her to a spiritual deliverance but they could not deliver her for 9 hours until Dean asked for my help to pray and I also asked helped from Missionaries in the house of prayer to help pray for her deliverance. She was delivered during that time but it left a painful trauma in her life and now she's completely out of hand as she has been ruining my relationship with my family because they were convinced by her that I was becoming a bad person when I am doing my watchman work. They were so convinced by her that they held a meeting with me for 3 hours just to criticize me. I know it was the spirits that held her in the past that caused her to attack me so today I told my spiritual mother and mentor Tita Ge about the recent sufferings I have endured in my family because of her spirit. I know that GOD is with me but I have been grieving about how my family have sided with her instead of feeling compassion towards me, but I should not be surprised because I do not know the god that they preach and they also do not know My GOD that I love and serve. I feel so much pain that I cried with wailing tonight, I cried my pain out to GOD who made me carry these burdens and lay them down at his feet. I know every pain that GOD allows in my life is an opportunity for me to be sanctified. For it is HIS promise in Hebrews 10:14 That HIS sacrifice is being perfected in me who is being sanctified through and through.
I am now trying to protect myself from more pain, but if GOD wants me to be in more pain who am I to shield myself from all of it? I want to pour it all out to GOD... I am feeling so much hurt tonight. I do not know how to react to her and to my brother. I do not know how I can survive this trip in Japan, may the LORD help me to overcome every test and trial. My heart is broken I am still grieving, even though I already shed so much tears. I want to keep crying out to GOD, have mercy on me KING JESUS, ABBA, take all my pain... take every tear and enable me to carry out this intercession YOU are putting me through. This is part of my Kingdom work, to intercede, and the pain when it is too much to bear, I ask for my death, I have been asking for my death ever since I can remember, I hated my life on earth, there's just so much pain, sometimes more than I can bear and I know HE is carrying me enabling me because I could never carry myself through all the pain I carry for GOD's heart for my family, I would probably be sick if I did not carry out my intercession mission... I have to pour it all out to KING JESUS and pour out I did tonight. I am making room for HIM to do whatever HE wants with me tonight. It's such a mystery that I did not bring any dog with me today because I met with Tita Ge to have lunch fellowship with her and I told her my heart I did not tell her anything back then to protect my family from being exposed. But now I cannot hide the things that I am going through anymore. I want to keep exposing so I can unburden myself, it's part of processing the depth of my feelings, painful at it is, the TRUTH of the matter is that my family will never be able to defend me, they will never stand with me and I should not take offense on it because the TRUTH is I am standing with GOD and GOD is more hurt that they will never stand with GOD, GOD is more hurt than I am with them, so that when I cry, I am wailing so much because it is my ministry to KING JESUS, HE is not alone with the burdens HE bears for the world becasue intercessors like me cry with HIM when HE prays for us. I am the sacrifice, when I cry, I offer my whole heart to the LORD because the LORD loves my family and someone needs to stand in the gap for them while I am being wasted away all my heart and tears and being, I am not wasted... I am not afraid that whatever burden I carry will give me any sickness because the opposite actually happens, that when you carry painful emotions and you do not cry it out to GOD, this is when one gets sick from unprocessed emotions, and this is what I learned from the webinar I attended last night with Dr Joelle - a session organized by life coach Mousa of Dubai. I learned about this coach on linkedin because he usually posts inspiring messages and I was drawn to the similarity of your names, sometimes I would wonder if he was you in disguise but his voice is so different from yours. Your voice is like music to my ears that I love to hear time after time.
Here I am, writing this letter to you, pouring out my thoughts and heart to you in a letter form. I do not expect you to like everything that I say, but I am obeying the KING who has commanded me to write letters to you, to be honest, to love you because that is my natural reaction when I first saw you, I felt so much respect and in awe of you and then I realized that I loved you right away, just by hearing and seeing you, I loved you right away.
I am not expecting an ideal love story, because the worst things have already happened to me. I just want to be in GOD's presence and favor as I continue to obey HIM day after day. But I am expecting you to come to me because it is GOD's will and plan for us to love HIM together, to serve HIM together, and even if we won't be building our physical family because there is no more time for that, we will be building the Kingdom family of GOD for which I am the last Mary and you are the last Joseph for which we will parent 144,000 spiritual children in the last days before the Great Tribulation. To parent them is not going to be our work but GOD's work, they will learn from our stories and will be led by the HOLY SPIRIT Himself. We will just continue to testify of the GOD of Israel in our lives, to be faithful to what HE has called us to do and HE will finish the work HE has started in us. Please pray for me as I continue to wait for GOD's promise for us to finally come. Day after day that I wait, I die to my flesh, I die to my desires, I die because I believe GOD's promise so much and waiting is the most painful thing any woman can do to be perfected in enduring the test of faith. But I have already waited so long but I know you have waited even more, but everyday it is hard, I am broken hearted when I am not with you, like my dogs that long to be with me, I long to be with you in all that you do. So I will end this letter today and go home, so that my dogs will be happy again because their master and love has come home to them.
Waiting for you, praying for you to not delay anymore, my brother, my beloved...
Your bride,
Marie Christine