24 Sivan 5983 / 13 June 2023
8th Watch
Day 164 Readings: Psalm 39:1-13, Leviticus 26:1-13, Hebrews 11:23-40
Dear ABBA,
HOLY and Almighty GOD of Heaven and Earth! YHVH, You are HOLY and there is no One Like You! I cling to YOU, I bless YOU! Have mercy on me O GOD, for I seem to be at a crossroads. I love Mosab Hassan Yousef and I want to be with him, and I believe everything YOU say to me that he is my husband, but what do you require of me? Is it just to preserve myself and wait til he comes here? Do I really wait like Rebekkah waited in her hometown? You already spoken to me LORD, the events happening in my life, the persecution in my family because of my obedience to you already made me do what YOU have instructed me to do as a Levite, not to receive anything from my family so that YOU can use me for your glory. Yes LORD, I already told my father and mother, I will not be receiving any inheritance from them, even though they gave me so much comfort being in a big house with all that I need and some people are suffering in their lives because they don't have parents to provide for them. I do not want to be ungrateful because I am so grateful for all the blessings YOU gave me where YOU send me but ABBA hear my concerns and worries: I struggled to work abroad so I can be independent. You did not allow me to be successful because You wanted me to submit to my parents and help them all these years. And even though I was joyful in helping them because of Your presence where YOU have send me, today I find myself mourning and grieving because YOUR HOLY SPIRIT grieves over them. Please do not allow me anymore to succumb to my emotions or to be won over by it so that I become bitter towards them because this is not YOUR way. Help me to keep forgiving them, but LORD, give me a hope and a future as I humble myself before YOU, do not leave me out hanging and feeling unsure of myself. If I am being disobedient to you, let me know right away, disturb my peace and enable me to obey YOU. Do not let my anger or bitterness towards them be my reason for going abroad but let it be because YOU are truly calling me. I cannot use the feelings of bitterness anymore, because this is a negative emotion that will betray me in the future. Help me to master my emotions like Ate Marlyn, and let my dissappointment over them become an energy that will enable me to keep following and pursuing YOU because with YOU I am never dissappointed. Maybe YOU are preparing me for my marriage with Mosab Yousef, because I have to have the right expectations of our marriage. It will never be perfect but I want it to be fulfilling and happy because YOU are in the center of it. Help me to be realistic about marriage and not be idealistic, Mosab will dissappoint me like my family, will I be grieving over him until I decide to leave him because I am not willing to endure??? NO!!! GOD forbid divorce in my life. I don't want to grieve and give up, I might be called to pray grieving over certain matters but I should never give up on the way YOU have chosen for me because YOU said YOU are not pleased with those who shrink back in their faith. So ADONAI, here I am staring at the application form of ICEJ, I cannot seem to start filling up the application form. What is stopping me? Is it my fear of working on things that I might not enjoy or like??? Did I like helping the family business? No I don't because of my relationships that are being affected within the family. I cannot deal with any anger issues towards them and stay with them, it will affect me. So I would rather not be involved in the business and keep them as my family. But YOU have to provide for me, what about my dogs? Natanel can work for us as long as he can but he can't work with us forever. Please ABBA, I have so many concerns and worries if I go to Israel, I do not want to worry about them, I want to be transfixed on YOU. I want to walk in the Supernatural and not be in the world because this world is so evil, I don't want to set my eyes on worldly things but on heavenly things, that's why I love being a watchman because I am floating in heaven even though I am still on earth. I love the Shekinah Glory of YOUR Presence and lately I have not felt it because I feel like I am in the world still. I want to experience YOUR glory and power please help me live out the rest of my days here on earth, fully for YOU! For where do I put my hope??? My hope and expectations are in only in YOU!
Dear Yousef,
19:00I had dinner with 2 of my dearest sisters in CHRIST who also worked for us part time, Peachy and Oding and I got the biggest surprise of my life when Oding announced to me that she and her husband reconcile and restored by GOD after 34 years of being separated!!! I felt bad, I didn't see it coming, or imagined this miracle would happen for her because she didn't desire it or even pray for it! We ate at my favorite restaurant Papsy's chicken and I prayed for them right after and I prayed that we will also have a wedding here so that my workers including them could witness the miracle GOD will do for my life and yours.
23:05 Natanel and I just finished communion with prayers for you and everybody that concerns us. I was very sad at first but now I am happy and hopeful because of the RUACH FIRE that made us laugh at the end of our prayers. You see, he said he will pray for you and that you will always treasure me because I am devoted to you but in his prayers he didn't mention your name so I made him pray again, we end up laughing because I was being silly. May the LORD make us ever happy as HE made me today!